Family/Motherhood/Military Life

Growing with Our Children

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For some reason, I was drawn to an article about teenage children.

My kids are just starting their “elementary school career” so that seems so distant in the future. Why was I drawn to reading this when there is SO much out there to read that may relate to children my age? We are still dealing with nightmare snuggles and Disney Princesses up in here!

Do I really need to even THINK about teenager issues ALREADY?!!?!

Well, I couldn’t shake off this magnetic force to keep reading…so I did. When that happens, I know God is trying to tell me SOMETHING so I continued.

It was about “growing with your children.” It made me stop and think about MY children and how much they are growing and changing.

The parent who wrote the article about teenagers shared that one day they realized they weren’t being the parent they had always imagined they would be. That struck me hard.

Am I being the parent I want to be?

Before I had kids, I had this idea of the kind of mom I would be-super cool of course! We would be best friends. They would never frustrate me because, well…they would be angels! We would talk about our disagreements like adults and life would be grand.

HA!

Then, motherhood happens and that perfect image of motherhood disappears like dust in the wind!

But, does it have to?

Is it possible to still be friends with my kids? Is it possible to talk things out with my kids even at a young age?

I’ve always heard from mentors, “you need to be their parent-not their friend.” I couldn’t agree with that statement more! I think there is so much truth to that! Our kids are surrounded by friends but only given 2 parents. However, I also believe there is still room for friendship in the relationship. 

Reading this article opened up my eyes to my parenting style now. Sometimes, I feel like I’m to demanding-just barking orders because, let’s face it, should I really have to still tell these kids to flush the toilet when they are finished using it? Some things just seem obvious and can be super frustrating when I have to repeat the obvious over and over…and over!

But, maybe I’m going about it all wrong. Maybe, I need to step back and remember the type of parent I wanted to be before I was actually a parent. Maybe, I need to show them a little more respect and just talk to them about it.

Nobody likes to be told what to do. I know I don’t. What makes me think my kids want to be treated like that? If I think of how many times I bark orders at them throughout the day, it embarrasses me.

It shames me.

That is NOT the type of mom I want to be!

Sure, I can try to defend myself by saying something like, “well, if they would listen the FIRST TIME, I wouldn’t have to yell and give so many orders.” There is some truth in that. But, if I dig deeper into that statement, I see a mom who is frustrated and kids who are being spoken to out of anger instead of love.

That is a major red flag to me.

I want to always speak to my kids out of respect and love. I needed to be reminded to do so even when I feel like I’m at wit’s end with them! They deserve to be loved by me and I’m not showing that indescribable love I have for them when I speak to them that way. 

The words we speak need to reflect our heart.

I love my kids more than ANYTHING! I would DO anything for them. But, this love is not always reflected in the words I choose to use when I speak to them.

Ok, God! I hear you! THAT was why you wanted me to read that “teenager” article. I needed reminded to be the type of mom I imagined myself to be.

Friends, how about you?

Do you find yourself barking orders at your kids throughout the day?

Let’s do this together…today, I’m going to make an effort to SPEAK to my kids rather than make demands. I’m going to have a better tone of voice when I speak to them and use words that reflect my heart. 

Something tells me, I will see a change in their behavior in doing so.

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With Aloha,

Lacy

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I am a military wife, a mother, a hiker, a dog lover, a refurbisher, a reader, a drawer, a baker...whatever I can do to enjoy life is what you will catch me doing!

12 thoughts on “Growing with Our Children”

  1. I was just getting ready to start some dinner and saw this post and snuck in a quick read. lol As a mom of a teen and two preteens I totally get it. It has been my experience that I must absolutely be MOM first . On that same note I have chosen to also be FRIEND second. I learned quickly that if I’m just barking orders and giving my two sense they won’t tell me what’s going on in their secret little worlds they live in. I want them to beable to tell me anything! Believe me sometimes I have to hold my breath and bite my lip at the stories they share about so and so’s boyfriend choices but it’s better to know than be in the dark most days. lol

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    1. Thank you for your perspective as a mom with teens. I want to find that balance between parent and friend with them before they are teens so that we can have that relationship established long before those challenging years start. It sounds like you have done just that-great job! When they come to you with their problems…you know you’ve done something right! Way to go! Enjoy your dinner 😉

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  3. As a mom of two teens (one now technically an adult) and a pre-teen (11), the relationship is ever-evolving. Sometimes we have to be harsher than we want, while other times we have to let them fail. Each time though, it ends in a conversation about how their decisions or behaviors now impact them on a bigger scale. There is no perfect parenting plan because for every kid and for every situation because each child is an individual. I will say that as my eldest has transitioned to an adult, I am enjoying the evolution of our relationship.

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  4. Great post so insightful! My munchkin is only four but I am sure before I know it I will be re-reading this article for inspiration! 🙂

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  5. My daughter is 13 and when she was younger I used to yell at her to get things done. I only did that for a short time before realizing I needed to find out why she wasn’t listening. So I sat her down and spoke with her and from that moment on, there was no more yelling. She would do whatever I asked her.

    Now, if she does listen to something I ask her to do, I stop whatever I’m doing and we immediately sit down to talk. It’s usually me asking “Is there a problem here? Is there something I need to know?” She always says no and it’s at that moment when I realize she is just wanting some extra attention. In her case, its always just a game she plays.

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    1. Yes! Thank you SO MUCH for sharing! This proves my theory to be true! I’m so glad that talking it out vs ordering has worked for you. I’m starting to do that and I can already see the difference too.
      I think we as parents underestimate the power of just talking to our kids! You sound like a great mom in that you take the time to communicate with her-especially when she starts to not listen. In that moment where you could become frustrated, you put HER first and try to respect her feelings by asking her what’s going on. Great job!
      Thank you again for your insight!

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