Family/Motherhood/Military Life

Loss: A Tribute to My Father In-Law

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Loss

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Loss

I’ve been pretty blessed in my life. I have lived a life full of love and yet, I’ve never really experienced loss up until this point.

My wonderful Father-in-Law went home to Jesus yesterday after an 18 month battle with Lung Cancer. It’s still hard for me to say those words. It’s hard to believe his fight has finished. He is finally at peace.

Loss

It’s not very often where I find myself at a loss for words. I usually have plenty to say (sometimes too much even!) And, yet, somehow this loss has taken away my ability to speak.

I have a web of emotions going through me and yet, I don’t have the strength to craft them into words. Maybe this is grief?

I feel guilty for living so far away. I feel guilty for not being able to comfort my in-laws when they need it the most. We won’t arrive on the mainland for a few days and during this time, I feel so helpless.

Loss

In addition to my own web of emotions, I don’t know what to say to comfort my husband. How can my words even begin to make him feel better after such a horrible loss? Will I let him down if I don’t say the right thing?

I struggle on how to explain death to my children beyond saying he’s in heaven with the angels. They say they miss Grandpa like they miss daddy when he is away. Do they understand the difference?

Loss

As a mom, I still have to push on. I still have responsibilities. I still need to “keep it together.” The world still moves around me. The bills still need to be paid. The dog still needs groomed. The kids still need taken to school. I still need to try to sleep…which has been next to impossible since I received that heart-wrenching phone call.

Loss

I feel this expectation to put on my “Super Mom” cape and carry on when inside, I feel like I’m falling apart.

Loss

In the midst of doing my “mom duties,” my mind wanders. It wanders off to him. I can’t focus. I remember his voice. I remember his smile. I remember his love for golf. I remember his undeniable love for his son (my husband.)

Loss

I’ve been blessed to have him in my life for 10 years. During this time, we’ve created some great memories together. During this time, I’ve gotten a glimpse of the man who raised my husband and made him who he is today.

However, I can’t help but feel regret in that my kids didn’t get to know their grandpa better than they do. I feel regret in that we didn’t make more of an effort to come visit while we still could. Regret.

I know the time will come, when these feelings will lessen. There will be a time when I come to peace with how I feel. It will become less raw. Less painful.

Loss

But, until then, I’m going to allow myself to feel this loss. It’s part of healing. It’s part of moving on…it’s part of feeling the loss.

I feel a smile creep onto my face as I realize, my Father in-law is teaching me yet another  lesson even as I’m picking up the pieces right now. I can feel him telling me to use this as a reminder to make time for the people in my life who are special to me. He’s encouraging me to nurture those relationships. I want them to grow and flourish with no regrets at the end.

So, once life simmers down a bit, this will be my new focus. For him…for me….for my family. I’m known for finding the good in things. So, this is my good in this bad situation.

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Friends, please be patient with me over the next few weeks. I may not be posting as much. Please keep my family in your prayers…

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With Aloha,

Lacy

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I am a military wife, a mother, a hiker, a dog lover, a refurbisher, a reader, a drawer, a baker...whatever I can do to enjoy life is what you will catch me doing!

37 thoughts on “Loss: A Tribute to My Father In-Law”

  1. My condolences to you and your family. Death is a truth about life. For the end must come for us all someday. Sending you all positive thoughts and my prayers are with you at this time. Stay strong. ❤❤

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      2. My Dear Sweet Lacey, your words run so true not only for you but also for many of us miles away. We always think tomorrow & we are never guaranteed tomorrow. My sadness & grief is shared w/you as many who loved & knew him/Steve. He was my big brother I thought I’d have forever. I guess I still do, but it’ll be in heaven w/all those we have loved & lossed.

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      3. You are so right! It’s making us look forward to military retirement and returning home more and more! We love you. I’m so sorry for your loss as well…hopefully, I can give you a big hug in person soon!

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    2. Hugs,hugs. Grief is such a difficult thing to understand and it is unique to each of us. Steve was such a special man! He taught me a lot. Love you prayers for your family💕

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  5. Lacy,

    I am so sorry for your loss. I recently went there a similar death in our family. My husband’s mother figure pasted away. We were both so very close to her. It took me a while to heal. Of course, it was hard for me to find the words to comfort my husband. I did the best I could. We now have both accepted she is in a better place. I just hate she will not be here physically with us and spend time with our daughter. Indeed, it helps me to cope with knowing she is in a better place and with us always in spirit. We actually had a few evenings after she past where we would hear random noises one coming from a musical toy of my daughter’s. No one was near it yet it started playing music. It made us think she was visiting use letting us know she was okay. I’m not the best with handling death and never know the words to say to comfort but maybe this gives you some peace of mind.
    I am very sorry for your lost and I understand it’s tough to lose someone so close. Just remember he is with God now jn the most amazing place and he will always be with you and your family. Even though you can not see him he is with you.

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  11. My Dear Sweet Lacey,
    Your words are so true. Our sadness & loss cuts deep. The miles we are apart from each other, We are all thinking we have tomorrow & we are never promised tomorrow. He was my big brother & I thought I’d have him forever. I guess in a spiritual way I do. We all do. We will see him/Steve in heaven w/everyone else that we have loved & loses.

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  14. It’s good of you to pour out your heart b/c everyone sooner or later experiences one or more big losses.
    Many folks can relate to your thoughts and feelings. You are an encouragement to many Lacy!
    And like you said … somehow you have to “keep it together” with God’s grace b/c you and the rest of your family and friends are still in the “land of the living” and I’m sure that your father-in-law would agree.

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