For some reason, I was drawn to an article about teenage children.
My kids are just starting their “elementary school career” so that seems so distant in the future. Why was I drawn to reading this when there is SO much out there to read that may relate to children my age? We are still dealing with nightmare snuggles and Disney Princesses up in here!
Do I really need to even THINK about teenager issues ALREADY?!!?!
Well, I couldn’t shake off this magnetic force to keep reading…so I did. When that happens, I know God is trying to tell me SOMETHING so I continued.
It was about “growing with your children.” It made me stop and think about MY children and how much they are growing and changing.
The parent who wrote the article about teenagers shared that one day they realized they weren’t being the parent they had always imagined they would be. That struck me hard.
Am I being the parent I want to be?
Before I had kids, I had this idea of the kind of mom I would be-super cool of course! We would be best friends. They would never frustrate me because, well…they would be angels! We would talk about our disagreements like adults and life would be grand.
Then, motherhood happens and that perfect image of motherhood disappears like dust in the wind!
But, does it have to?
Is it possible to still be friends with my kids? Is it possible to talk things out with my kids even at a young age?
I’ve always heard from mentors, “you need to be their parent-not their friend.” I couldn’t agree with that statement more! I think there is so much truth to that! Our kids are surrounded by friends but only given 2 parents. However, I also believe there is still room for friendship in the relationship.
Reading this article opened up my eyes to my parenting style now. Sometimes, I feel like I’m to demanding-just barking orders because, let’s face it, should I really have to still tell these kids to flush the toilet when they are finished using it? Some things just seem obvious and can be super frustrating when I have to repeat the obvious over and over…and over!
But, maybe I’m going about it all wrong. Maybe, I need to step back and remember the type of parent I wanted to be before I was actually a parent. Maybe, I need to show them a little more respect and just talk to them about it.
Nobody likes to be told what to do. I know I don’t. What makes me think my kids want to be treated like that? If I think of how many times I bark orders at them throughout the day, it embarrasses me.
It shames me.
That is NOT the type of mom I want to be!
Sure, I can try to defend myself by saying something like, “well, if they would listen the FIRST TIME, I wouldn’t have to yell and give so many orders.” There is some truth in that. But, if I dig deeper into that statement, I see a mom who is frustrated and kids who are being spoken to out of anger instead of love.
That is a major red flag to me.
I want to always speak to my kids out of respect and love. I needed to be reminded to do so even when I feel like I’m at wit’s end with them! They deserve to be loved by me and I’m not showing that indescribable love I have for them when I speak to them that way.
The words we speak need to reflect our heart.
I love my kids more than ANYTHING! I would DO anything for them. But, this love is not always reflected in the words I choose to use when I speak to them.
Ok, God! I hear you! THAT was why you wanted me to read that “teenager” article. I needed reminded to be the type of mom I imagined myself to be.
Friends, how about you?
Do you find yourself barking orders at your kids throughout the day?
Let’s do this together…today, I’m going to make an effort to SPEAK to my kids rather than make demands. I’m going to have a better tone of voice when I speak to them and use words that reflect my heart.
Something tells me, I will see a change in their behavior in doing so.