Awe, self care. Just the words make me envision a hot, uninterrupted bubble bath with lavender petals floating delicately on the waters surface. A hot tea is resting on the ledge of the tub (at that ideal not too hot but cool enough to sip temperature, obviously). Soft spa music is playing in the background and a good book is held in my hands while I eagerly read on to the next page. A candle is lit to set the perfect ambiance. If I pause, I can almost feel the wrinkles melting away from the face mask delicately applied to my face.
What I Thought Self-Care Was
I used to think self-care meant:
- Long moments of uninterrupted time to myself
- Doing everything “perfect” for my body
- Structured routines I could follow without error every single day
- Feeling relaxed and calm and patient all the time
When I couldn’t keep up with that version of self-care, I assumed I was failing at it.
Spoiler alert: I wasn’t failing. The expectation was just unrealistic.
And while those things are nice… they’re not what actually keeps me well.
After years of striving to bring to life that vision of a perfect “self care” scenario, I’ve learned what my body ACTUALLY needs and what TRUE SELF-CARE looks like.
What Self-Care Actually Looks Like Now
Now, self-care is simpler. Less photogenic. And way more sustainable.
It looks like:
- Going to bed earlier instead of doom scrolling
- Drinking water even when I forget to eat on time
- Stretching for a few minutes instead of skipping movement altogether
- Saying no without over-explaining
- Paying attention when my body starts telling me it needs something—before it starts yelling
Some days, self-care is doing more.
Other days, it’s doing less and being okay with that.
One of the biggest changes I made, was looking at self care as something I’m doing for ME-not for others. I’ve spent so much of my adult life with my kids the center of my universe. If I’m honest, they still are, but now that they are in their teens, I’m slowly letting go of that and turning that energy inward a bit more. It’s making me realize that self-care doesn’t HAVE to be difficult. It doesn’t HAVE to be perfect every single day. Having a “bad” day doesn’t mean I’ve failed at taking care of myself. It means just that…it was a “bad” day. The great thing about life, is there is always a chance for a fresh start with each sunrise.
One of the first sermons of the year at Life Church talked about doing something “more days than you don’t.” They specifically were talking about reading the Bible and spending time with God. This concept has been on my mind ever since. And, not just in a religious perspective but a life perspective. I decided that day I was going to apply this thought process to more areas of my life…self-care included.
- Yes, I’m going to read my Bible more days than I don’t
- I’m going to be mindful of the foods I allow into my body and have a balance of nutritious foods aaaaaaand a few non-healthy foods more days than I don’t
- I’m going to prioritize movement-whether that be outside in the fresh air, or inside on the treadmill, more days than I don’t
- I’m going to do something for ME (like read, draw, craft, bubble bath) more days than I don’t
- I’m going to listen to what my body is telling me more days than I don’t
A Gentler Definition of Self-Care
Now, I define self-care as this:
Taking care of your body and mind in a way that supports the life you actually live—not the one you wish you had time for.
And honestly? That feels like freedom.
If you’ve ever felt like you were “bad” at self-care, maybe you weren’t doing it wrong.
Maybe you were just holding yourself to the wrong standard.
It’s not too late to redefine self-care in your life. What has it looked like for YOU and how would you change it to fit your current life? I’d love to hear it!
With Love and Aloha,
Lacy
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I used to multi-task and boy, did that exhaust me! My new self-care is to take my time. There’s literally no reason to rush!
That’s great! I was reading in a book recently about slowing down physically to allow us to slow down mentally. I have been practicing not changing lanes to the faster lane as a way of not rushing from place to place. It’s been harder than I thought it would be. But, eye opening at the same time to how much I rush when I don’t even need to.
All of this!!! 💯 Love this post. 💜🙏🏽 I used to think self-care was about long, uninterrupted moments, too. Lol!😂 But with six kids, that’s definitely hard for me to achieve. 🤪😫
I like your list of what self-care actually looks like. A couple of months ago, I completed a few annual health checkups (vision, dental, women’s health), and that’s when I realized—oh, this is really self-care!
Also, for me, self-care looks like taking 20 min or so to sip my favorite tea when it’s a chaotic day 🫖, going to my church a few times during the school/work week for daily prayer 🙏🏽, and starting to wind down for the night at 7 p.m. 😌
I’m going to remember what you wrote about reading the Bible more days than I don’t. I’m always hard on myself if I skip a day or two. It’s usually because I’m so tired. But your right, reading more than most days is still very good! 😊🙏🏽💜
Thanks for taking the time to read this. I love that you take time for tea and to pray. Both are so good! And yay to you for making those appointments! It can be soooo easy to push them off-especially with your 6 kids needing your attention! Taking care of momma is ultimately taking care of them too! Keep up the great work. You’re doing amazing momma!